From local writer Loree Harell

Of course I was proud of both kids for coming home with straight A's. It's easy to admire those qualities in your children that exceeded your own. But at the same time, I shared another emotion with the kids. Not just pride, but unconditional love and acceptance. For my parents, it was easy (easier) to love me when (on those rare occasions) I did get all A's -- or won a speech tournement. It was harder -- and I knew it, for my parents to love and accept me when I fell short of their expectations. It cut like a knife. I can still feel some of those hurts.
So in the celebration of these report cards, I also shared another message: there will come a day when you won't have all A's, a time when you make a mistake, a time when you hurt me or yourself -- a time when you really screw up.
The most important thing to remember is that on that day -- your mom and I will love you, accept you and be as proud of you as we are today.

On a slightly different slant -- the words of writer Loree Harell -- to the parents of young girl, though it applies to boys as well.




Please, somehow don't demand
that your daughter obey you
against her will
because if she learns that
too well,
she will obey others
against her will.

Teach her to trust
what her body knows.
It does know,
and will tell her,
through the hormone scream,
what is right
for her.

Don't require
that she need your approval.
She will need everyone's.

Teach her to believe
what she knows to be true.
Even when it doesn't match
what you want,
what you want for her.
This isn't about you.

Know she will make mistakes,
that she will know
when she has, and that
the only mistakes that matter
are the ones that hurt her,
not the ones that disappoint
you.

Don't make her pay
for how you were at her age.
She is not you.

Remember this is not your story,
it is hers.
She gets to write it,
she has to edit it finally,
to know what to take out, and
what is essential and can't be changed.
It is pure gift of trust
when she asks your feedback
on the draft.

Know that sometimes
she will make you nuts,
hurt you, make you mad,
show all the good sense
of a wombat on acid.
Trust her anyway.

Don't forget
this is a whole human being,
not an appendage of you.



You can quit protecting her now.
She has already made mistakes you don't know about.
She will make more.

Let's try this again.
This person is whole.
You can no longer mold her,
not with your anger or violence or shunning
or shame. This person is whole.
But if you can find the love
to stand with her as equals
together, she will ask you
to help polish the edges
and walk next to her home.

She is better, she is stronger
than you dared believe.
Trust her.